Love Is Not Control

It’s natural to long for a relationship built on mutual love and safety. No one wants to live in constant chaos or instability. But I’ve realised that expecting relationships to always be easy or perfect is a trap. It’s an unrealistic idea that keeps us from experiencing love fully and deeply. Relationships aren’t supposed to be perfect 100% of the time, just like life, they come with ups and downs.

When I think about where these unrealistic expectations come from, I see how they often tie back to childhood. Unmet needs from the past can lead us to approach relationships from a place of pain. I’ve noticed that when people act from their wounds, they tend to make unreasonable demands. Small disagreements can feel like massive problems because they’re trying so hard to protect their hearts. It’s a kind of self-defence, controlling others to avoid getting hurt but it often ends up causing even more harm.

I’ve also seen how people with a poor relationship with themselves struggle in their connections with others. They may want to manipulate, lie, judge, or even cheat, all while calling it love. But it’s not love! it’s fear and unhappiness projected outward. If these behaviors aren’t addressed, they can destroy relationships completely.

I’ve learned that it’s not about controlling someone else to feel better about myself but rather taking responsibility for my actions and emotions. Improving relationships starts with facing our own faults. It takes honesty and courage to confront fears and heal the wounds that hold us back. True connection requires vulnerability, authenticity, and openness.

Working on reflection and healing is not easy, but it is so necessary. By focusing on my own growth, I hope some day I will be able change how I approach love and connection. Every effort I make to be honest and accountable brings me closer to the kind of relationships I want, stable, loving, and built on mutual respect. And while no relationship is ever perfect, I’m learning that being able to accept imperfections is what makes love real.