When Support Doesn't Feel Supportive

...And Why It's Okay to Step Back.

Lately, I’ve found myself navigating not only the challenges of my health but also the subtle sting of being misunderstood, especially when I dare to speak up about what I’m going through.

I don’t often share openly, but when I do, it’s usually because I’ve reached a point where staying silent feels heavier than speaking. And yet, what I’m often met with is not empathy, but unsolicited advice, suggestions and assumptions that carry an unintended message: “You’re not doing enough.”

It’s frustrating. Because what people don’t see is how much effort already goes into surviving each day. I do eat healthily, more than most might realise. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I avoid sugar and takeaways. I take supplements, I try to move when I can, I rest, I reflect. My nervous system is constantly in survival mode, managing a complicated mix of chronic pain, fatigue, and emotional trauma. It’s not laziness or neglect. It’s just… hard.

What I wish people would do instead is pause, really pause, and offer compassion first. Not the automatic “Oh yeah, me too,” or “You should try this, it helped me.” Not the comparison games or quick-fix suggestions. Just a moment of genuine, caring presence.

Because sometimes, those responses aren’t helpful. They feel more like a dismissal, or worse - a spotlight turned away from what I just shared and back onto someone else’s experience. And the truth is, I’ve often already tried the things they suggest. It’s not that I’m clueless or unwilling - it’s that healing isn’t one-size-fits-all.

A simple, “That sounds really tough" or "How can I support you?” would go so much further.

These experiences make me want to isolate myself, and honestly, I’ve learned that’s okay too. Less is more. I’m no longer chasing connection for the sake of being surrounded. I’d rather be alone than feel lost among people who only show up when it suits them or who minimise what I’m going through to make room for their own stories.

Growth has taught me that not everyone deserves a front-row seat to your healing. And that’s not bitterness, it’s clarity. Some people lift you up. Others unknowingly chip away at your energy, even with the best intentions.

So if you’ve ever stepped away from a relationship or conversation that made you question your worth, please know:

You are not selfish. You are protecting your peace. You are honouring your journey.

We all deserve to be met with empathy, not judgment. With kindness, not comparison. With presence, not prescriptions. And if you’re someone who doesn’t always know what to say, just ask. “Do you want advice, or would you rather I just listen? ”That question alone can be a powerful gift.

To those quietly carrying heavy things: I see you. And I hope you start choosing yourself more often.